Mom hears “I’m hungry!” eight times.
Mom hears “I’m thirsty!” twelve times.
Mom hears “Is it almost over?” seven times.
Mom hears “What time is it?” five times.
7 yr. old digs noisily in Mom’s purse because she “needs” some lotion.
While Mom is asking 5 yr. old to please stop wiping her nose on Mom’s arm, 1 yr. old manages to squirt out a blob of lotion the size of an egg yolk (enough to moisturize everyone on our pew.)
There is a commotion while everyone clamors to get a fair share of lotion.
There is a whispered discussion about what amount is fair.
3 yr. old changes seats nine times.
3 yr. old takes off shoes and puts them on her hands which she begins clapping together.
Dad takes 3 yr. old out for some “laying on of hands.”
1 yr. old chants “Biiiii-baaaaah” repeatedly while banging on her Bible.
1 yr. old cries when Bible gets taken away from her after Mom gets smacked in the face with it.
1 yr. old changes chant to “Buuuuuu-baaaaah” when she notices The Bubba serving at the communion table.
Mom has to remind the oldest 3 to open their Bibles.
We have had what I call “pew training” in which I put on a Bible audio CD and have everyone practice sitting quietly and reading along many times in the past. It seems that it is time for some more sessions. I don’t recall if we’ve done it since 1 yr. old was born, and apparently, 3 yr. old has no recollection of it. Today, it was made clear to me that our family, and the rest of the folks in our congregation, would benefit from some practice in the art of listening quietly.