I got some interesting comments in this post about huge library fines for overdue books. Lora Lynn wins the prize for the largest fine and the most unorthodox use of library books. Jennifer wins honorable mention for being the first to make me gasp with the report of her fine.
All that got me to thinking about what I would do if I owed more than $200 for overdue books. You know, it’s not that hard to imagine when you check out as many books as we do and the fines accrue daily. Plus, the whole scatterbrain factor I have going on.
So, here is the plan I came up with. First of all, I would wait until dark and, using my stealthy moves, sneak into the library. Then, upon being discovered in the daylight hours, I would request amnesty for any past debts. To fully maximize the benefits to me, I would time this just right so that I would actually deliver my baby inside the library.
That way, my baby, whom we would name Librarienne, would be a citizen of the library and would receive all of the benefits of using the library without being held accountable for paying any expenses or fines. Then, since I am the baby’s mother, I would also be eligible for the benefits.
I have noticed that the temperature in the library is always a moderate 72 degrees. There are bathrooms, computers, and all the books you can read! All of this would be available for my baby – and for me. At no cost! After all, all of those amenities are already being provided. Why pay for it when we can get it for free?
I could even arrange for the rest of my family to sneak in so they would also receive amnesty for their fines. Sure, the library personnel would probably insist that we are trespassing and should leave immediately, but we would simply cry “Coldhearted Conservatives!”
I think this might actually work. It seems like I’ve heard of this type of thing happening before.