Things I’ve Learned Living In Texas

**My uncle sent me this in an email and I thought it was funny.

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas .
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas , plus a couple no one’s seen before.
4. If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
5. ‘Onced’ and ‘Twiced’ are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. ‘Jaw-P?’ means ‘Did ya’ll go to the bathroom?’
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. ‘Fixinto’ is one word.
10. There is no such thing as ‘lunch’. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
12. Backwards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’
13. The word ‘jeet’ is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
14. You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
15. You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. ‘No. Jew?’ is a common response to the question ‘Did you bring any beer?’
17. You measure distance in minutes.
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
20. You know what a ‘DAWG’ is.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car — for your OWN car.
22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony’s, Tabasco and Ketchup.
23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.
24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit ‘a bit warm’.
26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as ‘goin’ Wal-Martin’ or ‘off to Wally World’.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
30. We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit!
31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.

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Comments

  1. Duchess of Fife says:

    Hi, Connie! Long time reader, first time commenter. I take exception with #22, you forgot Ranch dressin’. Although I’m not sure if that is a spice or a food group. :D

    Blessings,EmilyG

  2. ymwife says:

    HAHA :D

  3. I WANNA COME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHH!
    signed,
    sufferin’ in Southern Californy

  4. Andrea says:

    MY mom was born and raised in Dallas. This is too funny! I do agree with Emily, ranch seems to be the only thing missing from this list! :)

  5. Pat's Place says:

    I remember hearing my dad talk about a Texan calling a New Jersey company and ordering a large number of “war plars” for his ranching store. Can y’all Texans translate that?

    The man in NJ just could not quite understand the order until he had the man spell it–wire pliers!

  6. Anonymous says:

    LOL! I got a few of those jokes, even though I’ve never been in Texas. Here in Arizona, I can easily relate to not quite summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. But as for 100 being a “little warm”…well, let’s just say that the summer my Mom was pregnant with me, she said 100 felt pretty cool–because it had been about 122 the day before. Whew. Now that’s warm!

    -Christine from Arizona

  7. The Estrogen Files says:

    (grin) I can relate to the heat and AC in the same day from here in SE Idaho! Thanks for the afternoon pick up.

  8. What's so weird about any of that?
    : )

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