We just got home from having our family portrait taken for a new church directory. Olan Mills brought their equipment and set up shop in the church library and nursery. There were chairs lining the hallway so we could sit while waiting our turn.
And wait we did. Then, we waited a little longer. And after that, we waited some more.
The kids were mad at me because I wouldn’t let them get a drink from the water fountain. Or go anywhere. Or touch anything.
Who wants to spend all that time brushing hair and wiping faces and tying satin sashes only to have a big wet spot down the front of a dress preserved in color for years to come?
We were finally called to take our turn with the photographer, and after all that grooming and then waiting (WITH NO WATER!) the kids were a bit, shall we say, high strung.
Once, I saw a video of a child trying to put eels into a glass jar filled with water. (I think it was on America’s Funniest Videos.) His task was to take all of the eels out of a tank that held them and place them in the jar, but as soon as he got one in the jar and reached into the tank for another, the first one would slide right out of the jar. He never could get more than one at a time to do what he wanted .
I know exactly how that kid felt. Have you ever tried to get seven children to look in the same direction at the same time? With pleasant expressions on their faces? Standing in a well spaced group? Without having any nose picking, somersaulting, or crying?
So that got me thinking. Forget water boarding. I think I’m on to something here. Can someone get me the number to the department of defense, or whoever is in charge of torturing, er, I mean interrogating suspected terrorists?
What I’m thinking is that if you put one of those bad boys into a tiny room with seven cranky children, all lit up with real hot lights, and force him to try to get just one decent photo of all of them smiling, that guy will be revealing his secrets in no time.
Now, I remember why our last family portrait was six years ago.
I think I’d rather put eels in a jar.