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What He Doesn’t Need (And What He Does)

Thank you to Tiana for this guest post!


Unemployment can put intense pressure on a marriage. Not so long ago, during a time when my husband was without a job, I learned (sometimes the hard way) that there are a few things a man needs from his wife during a layoff–and a few things that he doesn’t.

He Doesn’t Need Nagging, He Needs Respect

Photo Courtesy of Fred Dawson

“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.” Proverbs 27:15-16

He Doesn’t Need Criticism—He Needs Encouragement

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

He Doesn’t Need You to Do His Job—He Needs You to Keep Doing Yours

“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” Proverbs 31:27-28

He Doesn’t Need a Depressed Wife—He Needs a Hopeful Wife

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 43:5

He Doesn’t Need Complaining—He Needs Contentment

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5

He Doesn’t Need You to “Fix It”—He Needs You to be His Helpmeet

“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12

He Doesn’t Need You to Worry—He Needs You to Trust in God

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33

Will you give your husband what he needs today?


Tiana Krenz is blessed to be wife to Christopher and mother to four young children. With God’s help, she is learning more about what it means to be a godly wife, mother, and homemaker each day. Visit her at God Made, Home Grown, and connect with her on Twitter and Facebook .

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Comments

  1. Rick Kelley says:

    very encouraging read!

  2. Leslie Bowers says:

    I very rarely respond to the blogs I read, but I was so blessed and challenged by this post I felt I had to. The Word of God is so powerful and is the best counsel for any situation. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 119:130, “the entrance of thy words giveth light, it giveth understanding unto the simple.” Thanks for the encouraging post!

  3. This is awesome. I shared with my husband the other day how uncomfortable I was and how I was a little nervous about where we are financially and whatnot. He told me it was his job to worry about providing for us and my job to trust him. He’s never said anything quite so bold to me before, but I was excited to know that he is taking care of it and so reassured to hear his confidence. And I have come to understand how much my attitude impacts that confidence.

  4. You sound like a kind, supportive partner for sure, but just wanted to remind you not to forget about your needs. Any feelings or fears you might be having are totally understandable and totally OK, and your feelings should be honored. It’s OK to feel sad, afraid, angry, and not to be “perfect” all of the time. YOU need support, respect, love, encouragement, help, hope, etc.to, just as much as your husband does, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you <3 and that you are totally supported–by your loved ones, by God, by the universe, etc. no matter what! I wish I lived close to you so I could treat you to a big ol' spa day or something.

    Love and light to you :)

  5. Beautifully written! I loved reading this.

    (PS – There’s a typo in the title, just a FYI).

  6. So true! Thank you for this! My husband is currently working, but things are very tight financially as I very recently quit MY job to stay home with our 2 children (something we couldn’t afford to do or afford not to do). All this advice still applies. Honestly, all of this applies to marriage no matter what stage or circumstance you are in. These are the things our husbands ALWAYS need and the things, which you so aptly point out through scripture, God has instructed us to do as his partner and helpmeet. Thank you again!

  7. I love how you just let Scripture speak in this post. It can’t be said any better than that! Thank you for taking the time to put this out there. It’s exactly what I learned/am learning when walking through my own husband’s year of unemployment. Blessings!

  8. Great post! I love the simplicity of this post, but it is so filled with truth.

    Being a wife is a very powerful position. You have the ability to make or break a man by your words and our attitudes.

    I am printing this one out. :)

  9. I 100% agree with you! Especially the criticism comment. I feel like a lot of people criticize their spouse and it is just not helpful especially during a time like this. I understand the worry that comes with being without a job, but like you said it is best to just trust and let go of the worry or it can drive you crazy.

  10. Heather Mason says:

    excellent advice! Wow! Wish I’d had this advice years ago when we were going through a rough time.

  11. I think we all need to remember this within our marriages. All to often we forget and get to wrapped up in our daily “chores” and never realize that our words and actions cut that deep. Thank you for reminding me of this. This is something that I personally need to remind myself of…

  12. My husband is not currently unemployed, though he did spend a year and a half that way that ended about a year ago. He joined the Army to provide for our family since he just could not find a job. I LOVED this post due to the fact that I can use each of these suggestions and scriptures to help me with the deployment he is now on. I haven’t been the most supportive wife due to depression that has covered me since he left. I am trying to pull myself out of this hole and be more supportive while the love of my life is away. Thank you very much for this post.

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