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The Mean Mom


This is a transcript of a speech I gave recently in my living room.

Dear Children,

I am fully aware that it embarrasses you in front of your friends when I march up to the front row during the middle of church and snatch you up to have you sit beside me. That was sort of the point.

That does not mean I hate you, as you may suppose. It means I love you. And that I am exercising my God-given authority as a parent.

Exercising my authority means that I will make doing the things you ought not to be doing extremely uncomfortable for you. (See embarrassing scenario above.)

It also means that I will decide what things you ought not to be doing. Those will include, but are not exclusive to: talking back, acting silly during church, not completing your school work, smoking, fighting, cussing, drinking, drugs, sex... You get the idea.

You might want to spread the word.

I'm "The Mean Mom".

And proud of it.