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4 Moms of 35+ Kids Discuss Modesty and Femininity

This week The 4 Moms of 35+ Kids are discussing femininity and modesty, particularly how we teach these to our girls.

  • As for femininity, we see from the scriptures that God detests for a woman to wear men’s clothing. (Deut. 22:5)

We take this to mean that a woman/girl should dress and maintain her appearance in such a way that there is not a question as to her gender, and that clothing styles and hairstyles should be distinctly feminine.

Our children know this scripture and we have discussed what it means and how we can please God with what we wear. Our girls do not wear dresses only, as some families do, but we make sure our girls look girly and our boys look manly.

  • In terms of modesty, we start from an early age discussing how we want our clothes to be modest and sufficiently cover our bodies. “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.” (I Tim. 2:9)

We make it clear that if someone can see your underwear, bits of your underwear, the color of your underwear, or your outfit makes people wonder whether they might see your underwear if you bend over, it is not modest.

Likewise, if articles of clothing look like underwear, are as tight as underwear, might be worn as underwear or mistaken for underwear, they should not be worn as outerwear. Note the UNDER part of underwear. We wear it UNDER clothes.

We are clear with our girls that we do not want people thinking about our naked bodies, so we will not wear clothes that draw attention to what should not be shown in public.

Our girls know that even if a popular style is worn by friends, if it doesn’t meet our standards of modesty, they will not be wearing it.

It isn’t unusual for any child in our family to tell another one if an article of clothing doesn’t pass the modesty test. Often, the simple act of growing older and taller will make a formerly acceptable outfit lean toward the immodest. This recently happened when one sister told another that her dress was now too short and was immodest. The growing child asked me what I thought and I confirmed that, yes, the dress was now too short to be modest.

Our goal with teaching our children about modesty and femininity is always to be pleasing to God. We first look to the scriptures, and then we consult with one another, and ultimately submit to Mom and Dad.

Be sure to see what the rest of the 4 Moms of 35+ Kids teach their children about modesty and femininity.

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Comments

  1. As the mother of a male only-child, I have also worked at impressing the concept of modesty on him. For himself, but especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Not to look, not to make fun of (as in “I see London, I see France…”) etc. I think the programs for girls (Secret Keepers, etc) are good, but we also need to make sure we are including the boys in our discussion.

  2. I love that this is so practical. If I can see your underwear, bits of your underwear or the color of your underwear it’s not modest.

  3. What a practical post! Thanks, Connie! We’re working on the same thing with our daughters, but we have a small problem. Whenever our older two daughters (ages 2 and 6) see a woman or girl immodestly dressed, they say something about it, like, “She needs straps,” or “She shouldn’t be showing her tummy.”

  4. My daughter is 10-a weird age for a girl. She’s on a cheer squad (they do wear full coverage tops an skirts that while short do stay down). We have talks about why some girls wear tank tops with insufficient “support” underneath and why we don’t wear bikinis. We talk about why our underwear cover everything and don’t shine or have words on them (Walmart has a very ummm interesting Halloween line of underwear). She totally agrees with the fashion rules. We also talk about what we don’t talk about in public so she learns modesty that way.
    The school has a strict dress code which I appreciate and we live in the mountains so appropriate attire is sort of necessary.
    We teach her younger brothers that we don’t talk about sissy’s undergarments and we don’t lift her shirt or skirt (because my 3 yr old went through a very short lived phase of doing so).

  5. We use the “Head, shoulders, knees, and toes test” to test for modesty in our house. You should be able to touch your head without revealing your midrift. Touch your shoulders, are they covered? You should be able to touch your knees and they should be covered. Now touch your toes. Can you do it without flashing your back and underwear to the world? Are you flashing a straight shot down your shirt? If you pass the test then you are, generally, sufficiently modest.

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