This week The 4 Moms of 35+ Kids  are discussing femininity and modesty, particularly how we teach these to our girls.
- As for femininity, we see from the scriptures that God detests for a woman to wear men's clothing. (Deut. 22:5 )
We take this to mean that a woman/girl should dress and maintain her appearance in such a way that there is not a question as to her gender, and that clothing styles and hairstyles should be distinctly feminine.
Our children know this scripture and we have discussed what it means and how we can please God with what we wear. Our girls do not wear dresses only, as some families do, but we make sure our girls look girly and our boys look manly.
- In terms of modesty, we start from an early age discussing how we want our clothes to be modest and sufficiently cover our bodies. "Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control." (I Tim. 2:9 )
We make it clear that if someone can see your underwear, bits of your underwear, the color of your underwear, or your outfit makes people wonder whether they might see your underwear if you bend over, it is not modest.
Likewise, if articles of clothing look like underwear, are as tight as underwear, might be worn as underwear or mistaken for underwear, they should not be worn as outerwear. Note the UNDER part of underwear. We wear it UNDER clothes.
We are clear with our girls that we do not want people thinking about our naked bodies, so we will not wear clothes that draw attention to what should not be shown in public.
Our girls know that even if a popular style is worn by friends, if it doesn't meet our standards of modesty, they will not be wearing it.
It isn't unusual for any child in our family to tell another one if an article of clothing doesn't pass the modesty test. Often, the simple act of growing older and taller will make a formerly acceptable outfit lean toward the immodest. This recently happened when one sister told another that her dress was now too short and was immodest. The growing child asked me what I thought and I confirmed that, yes, the dress was now too short to be modest.
Our goal with teaching our children about modesty and femininity is always to be pleasing to God. We first look to the scriptures, and then we consult with one another, and ultimately submit to Mom and Dad.