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What's the big deal about Young Living

Oh, Baby!

(Edited to add a link to show you who I wrote this for.)

When you are expecting and you didn't expect to be expecting

A friend recently confided in me what she has only told her husband.

They are expecting their Nth baby. (N = the number that will make people think you’re crazy + 1)

She shared some of the same feelings I remember so well so many times.

  • I am FREAKING out!
  • What are we going to do?
  • How will we afford it?
  • I am already overwhelmed!
  • How will I handle one more?
  • What will our friends and family say?
  • People will think we are crazy.
  • I’ll be embarrassed to announce it.

Yep. Been there.

And do you know what? The baby came anyway. And people did think we were crazy (still do).

I told my friend that I was just gonna shoot straight with her. No sugar coating. Here are some of the things I told her and what I want to tell any of you who are in the same boat.

There will be days, lots of days, when it will be loud and rowdy. There will be plenty of times when you will be tired and there won’t be enough money. There won’t be enough sleep. Or time. There won’t be enough of you.

The baby will cry when the toddler is crying and that will make the 4 year old cry. And then you will want to cry. And sometimes you will.

But God will provide. When you can’t. Because you can’t.

He will provide the energy to clean up one more mess. He will provide the patience to read the same story one more time. He will provide the perseverance to buckle one more car seat over squirming arms and legs.

He will provide those special, almost magical, moments when you look around and you can’t believe it’s yours. ALL of this is yours. This beautiful, messy, rowdy, lovable family. And you will feel sorry for people who think you are crazy because you know what they don’t. You are crazy blessed.

Blessed with laughter. Blessed with joy. Blessed with more love than you could have ever imagined one year ago.

And God will provide enough. Enough money. Enough time. Enough you.

And your children, all of your children, will look at you with so much love in their eyes that you feel like you might burst with loving them right back.

Smockity Kids

And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

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Comments

  1. I found it hilarious that at some point, people stopped asking us rude questions and started asking when the next one was coming! Even my mother!! HAHA!! It was kinda like, “Oh well, they really are crazy so we might as well let them get on with it.”

    • Looking forward to a shift like that. That is funny!

    • Dawn, that IS funny. I’m curious to know how many children it took for you to get to that turning point :) When we were expecting our first (a girl) everyone was elated. When the second, a boy, came 11.5 months later the general reaction was slight concern that they were so close together but also happy that it was a boy because then we could be “done”. When we got pregnant with the third child, a boy, 9 months later people started to think we were crazy lol. And when we got pregnant with number 4, another boy, 5 months later they really thought we had gone off the deep end. When we announce our 5th child, a girl, a few months ago there was mostly just SILENCE :) So all that to say I think we are close to that turning point you describe but not quite there yet. I’ve been SO grateful for my mother who has always been supportive, she’s Mom to 13 children so she’s been through it all! Even moreso grateful to God who is EVER faithful and has made a way where there seems to be no way.
      Thanks Smockity for the encouraging words!

      • Any words of wisdom for those whose main “concern” is having your children so close?

        • It’s hard at first (when they are tiny, both in diapers, both need Mom, etc) but they can be best of friends when they are older… and if you have MORE than one close together, they can choose who they can hang out with or they can all have similar interests and be really hard to separate :)

  2. Congratulations to her. Every baby is a blessing even the Nth. God will provide.

  3. I needed this today. Thanks. :)

  4. Alizabeth says:

    That is EXACTLY how I felt when we found out we were (are) pregnant with #8! We were done. I have had 6 previous c-sections and was coming to terms with the fact that I was not to have any more. So, when I found out I was pregnant with #8, well I was shocked, angry, exhausted, scared, overwhelmed. I was diagnosed with Post-Partum depression and had to stop taking my medication. I have had to rely completely on God, as I refuse to take medication unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary! It has taken some time, I am now 28 weeks along, my pregnancy has gone amazing (especially since I had so very many scares with my last one – He just turned 1!) God must have felt something was missing in our life and our family. I know there is a reason that we are being blessed again, some days I look at the chaos surrounding me, the toys EVERYWHERE, never ending piles of laundry, dishes still not loaded in the dishwasher, homeschooling never going the way I feel it should (and fears of ruining my children!) and wonder how He could possibly think I can do this again. So, I pause, and breathe, and listen to the laughter of my little ones, the thoughts of my teen, the dreams of my 12 year old, the hopes of my college son….and I sigh…and realize I am blessed beyond measure to have the children I do, to have the husband I do. I am blessed beyond measure to be right where I am supposed to be, where God has placed me. I am blessed to be adding another baby to this family, as chaotic as it can be, I am blessed! So, no matter the thoughts of others, no matter my own fears that make it impossible to sleep all night (fears and insomnia are amazing at 2am every morning!) I need to cast aside my fear, my worry, my thoughts of not being enough and remember…I am blessed and I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be and have been given precious time with an amazing husband and the wonderful children God has given me…and that IS what is important. That IS all that matters.

    • Andrea Lum says:

      So i was reading on here u have had 6 c sections? I have four girls and would love to have one more and try for a boy but i am terrified due to the previous c sections. Did yours ever get risky/ I know everyone is different i was just curious

      • I have an amazing doctor….and he knows we love to have kids and want more. We have always listened to him and he took/takes extra care to clean up scar tissue after the c-section, I keep exercising and try to keep weight gain low, not lose weight, but have it be steady to not put too much pressure on the old incision. He has done a few more ultrasounds to make sure placenta is in a good place and that wall isn’t too thin. So far all looks good. He does the surgery in the actual hospitals OR, (not on the baby floor) has an extra doctor with him to assist if needed and has extra blood on hand etc. He says he likes to plan for every possible problem he can imagine and then not need any of them. So far, they haven’t ever needed to put any of the extra plans in place. We were done (or so we thought) and so when we found out we were pregnant this time around we had a meeting with him right away to make sure we were all on the same page, discussing and complications or issues we may run into. That helped put my mind at ease. I keep up with appointments and he tells me anything he feels might be an issue. there is a change of needing a partial hysterecomy due to bleeding, but we have talked about it and are prepared for that if necessary. I think an open line of communication with your doctor is best, even setting up a meeting to talk to him/her now, letting your concerns and wishes be known. I wish you the best of luck, as long as you pray and are educated about things it really isn’t that bad…but it is all I know…:o)

        • Have you ladies not sought after home birth midwives? They are far more experienced with vbac & I find a lot more supportive to the large family!
          My own vbac after twins was to an almost 10lb boy! Everything fine! Tge medical profession is lacking experience in vbac’s , as the c-section rate climbs all over the country.
          Just thought from a mom of 9….blessings!

  5. I TOTALLY thought you were about to make an announcement and I was prepared to be very jealous. ;)

  6. We were surprisingly blessed with a seventh child last Thanksgiving. My family thinks we should have stopped at 4. I cried for the first 4 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was afraid to tell my husband. I think I was about 11 weeks along before I told him. No joy from friends and family when we shared the news. We weren’t exactly thrilled about it. We were already struggling as it is, how could we add another person to the struggle? I am amazed at how God provided for us and this baby. He gave us diaper deals and friends to lend us clothes. The best things were a new better place to live and a van big enough to hold us all :-) We now live in an area where we are happy with normal neighbors. We have had our fair share of insane neighbors. Lol. God certainly does provide. I am so thankful He does!!!!! Homeschooling is fine. I thought it would be worse, nope, it’s not. This amazingly well behaved happy little baby is so easy going. Her siblings adore her. Her parents love her. This mother couldn’t imagine life without her. Yes, they are all mine.

    • Sandra Miller says:

      This was me 43yrs.ago.My inlaws decided two was enough.I was on number four,even afraid to tell my husband for fear I would be forced to abort. I hid it five and a half months;to late to abort years ago.The baby ,a real joy,is now 42.For years I heard “if YOU didn’t have so many kids”……….

  7. Great post! It really applies to any situation that we feel overwhelmed by. Thanks for sharing (and I’m with Tabitha….I thought an announcement was coming and I was all like, “I can’t believe I have to find this out on her BLOG!”…LOL!) Lisa~

  8. I thought you were about to tell us you were expecting! haha We are expecting number 10! I am almost 9 weeks and have not told many people. At this point we don’t get a lot of happy responses. Mostly just comments like “you’re crazy” or “that’s nice.” But you can tell they aren’t really happy for us. We are only telling people that we know are truly happy for us and the rest can find out as they see me. At this point we don’t really stress how having another baby will work out. God has proven over and over that He will provide for us. You kinda build up a tough skin when you have a lot of children.

  9. I love, love, love this Connie!!

  10. So…is this the “prequel” to tomorrow’s post where you DO make an announcement?! lol – I was obviously thinking the same thing as my friends here. ;) Pinning this to my large family board because everyone needs and “Nth” baby.

  11. Like the others, I thought you were making an announcement! Congrats to your friend :-). You know my obsession with big families. I desire to be one, but I don’t think its in God’s plan for us. Because of your blog and others I know y’all get more than your fair share of crazy looks. So I always try to smile and encourage large families when I see them.

  12. First of all CONGRATULATIONS to all of you who are expecting another baby! Children are such a blessing! My husband and I have one son so far he’ll be 6 years old January 2nd! We having been hoping and praying for another baby since he was 1 1/2 years old. I’ve had for sure 2 miscarriages in that time. It’s oh so sad but we keep praying and I’m trying so hard to be patient. Our son tells us that he’s told Jesus he wants a baby sister and asks us when that will happen. We tell him we just have to keep praying. I’m so happy that we have our son. I can hardly wait for more!

  13. Ginny Hughes says:

    Connie is my sis in law (how lucky am I??) and as her husband (my brother in law), has always said to people: (Paraphrasing here) Each of our children are gifts from God, which one of them would you want me to give back?

    Now try and pick one to give back…you can’t do it… because they are ALL special and here for a greater purpose than we can even imagine. <3

  14. mommydoula says:

    Thanks Connie..my favorite post, ever!! Blessings to you & yours :)

  15. Mendy Martin says:

    This is the first time I have read your blog and just happened to come to the computer to ask a friend what to do. Your blog was posted on facebook by a friend and was the answer to prayer. I am expecting our 8th due in May. We waited to tell people till just a couple of weeks ago. My family lives out of state and are not approving of our many children. How do I tell my parents? Truthfully I am not looking forward to this at all. I love my babies, but how to deal with the negative comments from family is something I struggle with. Any suggestions? Mendy

    • I have ten children. My parents are not believers and were reacting negatively, each time I told them I was expecting again. They lived in another province, and once when visiting them with a couple of the youngest, I actually had a miscarriage. (It was so early I didn’t even know I was expecting). When I was back home, my mother wrote to me, (she is usually a sweet, if-we-don’t-agree-let’s-not-talk-about-it kind of person), and told me they were happy I miscarried, and that if she believed like I did, she would think perhaps God was trying to tell me something. (She is an atheist!)

      I wrote her back and pointed out my children were all healthy and happy, and that I was very content, and I could understand the negative reaction if there was a concern, (neglected kids, haggard me), but obvioulsy there was none. I told her that because of my parents’ response whenever we announced a pregnancy, I was considering not telling them should I ever be pregnant again. I told her that I would tell her whenever their hypothetical grandchild would be born, because they did love their grandchildren, but wanted to avoid the negative reaction when announcing a pregnancy.

      She answered, “Point well taken. Please let us know the next time you are pregnant”.

      And the next time, (and all the next times after that), when we announced a pregnancy, they would just say, “Congratulations” and nothing negative.

      I have ten children, (and I have had seven miscarriages which I have not all mentioned to my parents), and my parents have enjoyed their grandchildren immensely and taken great pride in their accomplishments.

      I think a loving, kind, but direct approach is the best. Let them know that a negative response to this news is hurtful.

      Praying for you, Mendy!

  16. I love this!!!! I can relate to all you said because I’m a mom of six. I’ve now reached the point where we are not told how crazy we are for having so many but now everyone asks us when will we be having the next one. :)

  17. We just had our 4th, and although I definitely wouldn’t consider that an “Nth” baby, she was unexpected. I was going through some major health issues, and we wanted to wait until I was in better shape to go through pregnancy and have the energy to handle 4 small children. But God knew better than we did. This is the first pregnancy test where I felt despair when seeing positive result, but now that she’s here — Oh my! My heart is so full of joy! I can’t imagine not having this precious blessing! God truly does give the strength to manage the blessings with which he entrusts us!

  18. Yes! Thank you for the reminder! The day when I was locking the car seat carrier into place, and I realized my oldest (3 at the time) had just buckled himself up for the first time I wanted to cry for joy! I was even more excited when his sister (17 months younger than him) learned to do it one month later. We are hoping for more and I am willing to take 10 minutes buckling car seats :) Tell your friend she is super blessed, and congratulations to her! She is not alone!

  19. Yes! Yes! Yes!
    I have often said that if the CEO women with the many figured salary knew the level of blessing and richness of my life, they’d leave their job, running to come home and be a mom.

    Sure, there are hard times, but God does provide, and “your children, all of your children, will look at you with so much love in their eyes that you feel like you might burst with loving them right back.”

    I have heard my grown children tell others that I am their hero.

    Priceless!

    A “crazy” mom of ten

  20. When I was expecting our ninth child my husband, a Clinical Psychologist, Ph. D., was teaching at a Catholic University. We had to go to a Univ. “holiday” party and while I was enjoying a glass of wine one of the women Professors came up to me and asked, “Are you Dr. “so & so’s” wife and is it true you’re having your ninth child?”

    “Why, yes, we are.” I smiled.

    “Don’t you think you’re being irresponsible?” She asked.

    “Why, no, dear, I’m irresistible.” The gentleman I had been talking to spit out his mouthful of wine right into her face. O, God is good!

    • Maybe he was talking about the alcohol.

      • Oh, no, this was a woman, a well known feminist at the Univ. who didn’t know me but I knew who she was and had already heard that she had talked about how my husband should get “fixed” & how we should call our last child, “Quits”. I knew exactly what she meant.

        • Having your 9th baby and still so quick witted! I am really impressed!!! Wish I had been there! What a great story!

  21. What a great post! (Even though it wasn’t an announcement. ;) )

  22. You almost made me cry…and I’ve only got 3 so the only one who thinks I’m crazy is my mother-in-law. :) Oh, and I totally thought you were making an announcement, too.

  23. Christina says:

    Beautiful post, Connie. What I will say, as a mother of 3, is that all those feelings can apply to any mother of any number. Many feel like they have no place to feel overwhelmed because they have ‘only’ ___ number of children. BUT, we do get overwhelmed, no matter how many! It’s great advice for any mom….God will provide!!! By the way, some crazy people think 3 is too many! No kidding. Blessings to the new-again mama!!

  24. I only have four kiddos and one just adopted this year. I am getting comments from so many people about “you’re not having another one, are you?” “You aren’t planning any more, right?” And, “you can’t keep having more kids – you are older” (just turned 35 this year). It is even coming from my mom who had 7 kids…
    This is the first time the baby is 13 months and I’m not pregnant yet. Frankly, I don’t want to tell ANYONE if/when we have another one because I feel like they won’t be happy for me

    • Rachel, if/when you have another one, it is a good idea to begin by telling all those who know who will be happy for you. Then when you tell the others, if you are telling them in person, do it with a big smile, and using positive words…ie. “We are thrilled to let you know….” or something of that nature, and if you are telling people through writing, also use those positive words. If they respond negatively to something you are thrilled about, they are bring rude and unkind and it is their problem. You can always be frank with them and kindly tell them that you find their response hurtful and unhelpful.

      See my response above to Mendy re. how I handled my parents who always responded negatively to our pregnancy announcements.

  25. This is beautiful and what a gift to give your friend. My ‘”nth” child was my 4th and I was distraught over the discovery that I was pregnant. I did *NOT* want to tell any of our family. We are so blessed with a church family who is very pro-family and see every baby as a gift. I now realize this baby girl was the biggest gift her three brothers could have ever received and she will make them better men, husbands, and fathers for having turned their lives upside down. She’s the best gift God ever gave my husband and me and words cannot express how in love with her I am. She has opened my eyes to see His ways are so much higher than mine and opened my heart to the possibility and hope of more.

  26. While I don’t have any children (yet. Only been married a year), my sister is expecting her third and while she doesn’t have the high number of children you all seem to have, her oldest is turning 2 on Dec 9 this year, her youngest is turning 1 on Dec 9 (yes, they have the same birthday) and her next is due June 1. Her oldest is extremely high energy and smart as a whip. I think all of you who have so many children must have the patience of a saint. God never gives us more than we can handle and its truly uplifting to read so many positive comments.

    • Please encourage your sister! She is doing the hardest thing there is to do…being the mommy of many littles at the same time. It is a beautiful but truly challenging experience. Be proud of her and speak words of encouragement. She is not a saint and neither are any of us. But God DOES OFTEN give his children more than they can handle so they can learn to LEAN ON HIM and see how FAITHFUL and CAPABLE He truly is! Praying for the same abundant blessings on your life in the future!

  27. Loved this post and all the comments. I’m a Mom of ‘only’ 3 and would love more. We miscarried earlier this year and it was devastating. I applaud all big families and am secretly jealous. Please keep passing on the loving comments. Think how wonderful our world would be If everyone were surrounded with this kind of love!

  28. Amen and Amen!

  29. What a beautiful post, Connie. Very encouraging. Thank you!

  30. When we told my m-i-l about #5 (now due in 5wks), she was “speechless”, didn’t “know what to think”, “mmmmm-m-m-m ok I need to process this”.

    I was a little taken aback initially by her reaction, but I chalked it up to her just being caught off-guard since our youngest was 5yrs old; our biggest gap between kids. And we hadn’t really “planned” this one, but hadn’t planned NOT to have this one.

    Fast forward 2 weeks, at her retirement party, she asks us if she can share our news. I, thinking she had finally gotten over the shock & was excited, said, “Sure!”

    Well…

    It was pretty much the same verbiage as her first reaction, except now in front of about 30 family members & friends.

    That was in May. It’s now mid-December, with about 5wks to go & we still have not gotten a “congratulations”, “I’m so happy for you”, “I’m excited to have another grandbaby to love”….nothing. Just “what did the midwife say?” (& yes, she has a hard time with THAT concept, too) “are you feeling alright?” “I need to come get the kids so you can clean the house!” (I’m smart enough not to turn THAT down. Except I don’t clean the house; I go to Starbucks) & “You’re going to have to buy so much milk!” (REALLY?? THAT’S why you can’t be happy for us or even yourself????)

    I’ve asked my husband to talk to her because I don’t trust myself to be loving about it, but it hasn’t really helped…how can a man set his own mother straight?

    So we just go along & do our thing. We don’t ask advice or input from those who we know won’t give us a Biblical answer, or at least a fair, looked-at-all-sides answer.

    And those people who can’t join in our joy will just have to miss out.

  31. This post brought tears to my eyes. I’m expecting my seveN’th baby and I’ve been feeling all the same reactions your post mentioned. It’s still very early and we haven’t told anybody. We have six children now, ages 12 down to 9months. Four children are 6 and under! I’m just barely keeping my head above water as it is! I was shocked and devastated to see that I was indeed pregnant again so soon. (We were so careful with our timing!) And then of course I feel tremendously guilty for feeling devastated. I know it’s all in God’s timing and in His plan, but I’m having a hard time facing the negative reactions that will come. It’s one thing to have six kids, that’s the *most* you can have that still might be deemed “somewhat acceptable,” but to add a 7th?! That just makes people treat you like you’re an idiot. Your words were a great encouragement. Thank you! I am choosing to look forward to this precious baby and to God’s new mercies.

  32. Thank you for such an encouraging post!

  33. My husband and I were just having the conversation lastnight about possibly having another child, and one of the biggest drawbacks for me is the reactions of others. We have 4, ages 6-5 months, and many already think that’s way too many! Thank you for the reminder that if God thinks I”m up for it, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks!!

  34. Just stumbled across this site. My kids are grown but I was thinking the other day how we had to keep the third pregnancy a secret from my husbands grandmother. Not easy when you attend the same church. I still remember someone slipping up (at church.) She looked at me and said, “You can’t take care of the kids you have! What will you do with another one?” And God gave me grace. I was a stay at home mom. My children were happy, healthy and well cared for. No, I wasn’t a stay at home mom, we were a “stay at church” family. Every time the doors were open-probably there to open them. God gave me the grace to laugh and tell her it would be ok. I loved that woman. I miss her still. God gave me grace. Because I am not that nice. Ask God for grace. Pray for them. And love those babies because mine is 28!

  35. Mama Murrey says:

    Thank you to all of you wise mamas who revel in and treasure all your babies, however many God gives you. After 7 years of marriage, I finally have two children, one through birth and one through adoption. Since I have lots more waiting for me in Heaven, I don’t take these two for granted.

    But I do still get tired and I do wonder how well would I reach around for a third, much less the dozen or so that I’ve always dreamed of. Your words have been so encouraging. Truly, “faithful is He Who called you” and “as your days, so shall your strength be.”

    These babies are from Him; He loves them like crazy and has wonderful plans for them which can’t happen unless we mamas are willing to carry and to birth these children, children He is using to bring His Kingdom to earth.

  36. Well said! My mother has 10 children and it amazes me. I am pregnant with my 4th and it’s hard to believe that I will have that many children. It’s too bad that everyone can’t just be happy for everyone else with each blessed child that is born! I love this post!

  37. Michele says:

    I am on my 4th. I was afraid to tell family because I knew what their response would be. ( How are you going to afford another one, you’ll need a van and so on.) My response was I take care of my children not you or the goverment and yes I know we will need a van, I’m trusting God to provide one for us.
    I am glad I’m not the only one gets negative responses.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Oh, Baby! :: If you’re a mama of lots of littles (or are thinking about it… or worrying about it…) be sure to read Connie’s reminder about large families here. [...]

  2. […] She’s hilarious. And insightful. And smart. I want to be Connie when I grow up.  Connie wrote a post just for me in December, and it ended up being her most viewed post of the whole […]

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