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And Then I Found a Ring in My Baby’s Butt Crack
Posted By Smockity Frocks On March 18, 2014 @ 7:44 pm In Really Funny Stuff | 41 Comments
Or “a pistol”
We always know where she’s been because we see the signs.
Sometimes it’s written all over her face.
Or we walk into the laundry room and find her standing in the washer trying to shove a popsicle stick down the detergent hole.
You know. Just regular “she’s a handful” type stuff.
So, one night around midnight I wasn’t too awfully surprised when my oldest daughter knocked on my bedroom door to wake me and said, “You have got to follow me into the living room! You’ll never believe who’s in there!”
She said she came downstairs to get a drink of water and she heard some rustling around on the recliner in the living room. She was a little concerned at what could be making the noise at such an hour when the whole house was asleep, so she nervously shined her cell phone light in that direction.
That’s when she saw her and came to get me.
When I rounded the corner, I saw Li’l Miss 2yo Handful sitting on the recliner, rummaging through my purse.
As naked as the day she was born.
My first response was, “WHAT THE HECK? HOW..? WHY???”
I stood with my hands on my hips and said in a disapproving tone, “WHAT are you doing?!”
She knew she had been caught doing something(S!) she shouldn’t be doing so she made a quick excuse. “I needed gum…” she stammered out.
My oldest daughter, who had found her, was stifling giggles by now, and I began listing all the reasons she was in trouble.
1) You do not get out of bed and wander around the house.
2) At midnight.
3) To dig in Mama’s purse.
4) Butt naked.
I told her she was going to get a spanking and I picked her up, turned her around, and bent her over to give her a couple of swats with my hand.
That’s when a ring popped right out of her crack.
You know the costume jewelry kind that you find in the toy aisle in a kit with a crown and a wand?
Like candy from a Pez dispenser.
At this point, my 18yo and I looked at each other and we both lost it. I couldn’t go through with the swats. I couldn’t even breathe.
Apparently the ring was in the chair when she sat down and it got wedged in tight until the moment of truth. Until she became the goose that laid the golden egg. Or the fish that produced a gold coin to pay the taxes.
She was saved by the ring.
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