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What Mean Comments Tell People About You – It Might Be More Than You Think

Mean comments

Remember when you read “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” and you got to the infamous part where Tom is talking all glowingly and adoringly about how fun and fulfilling it is to whitewash a fence?

And you were all, “I see where you’re going with this, Tom. You are so transparent!”

I have often told my children that when they are mean to others, cut them down, purposely try make them feel bad, what they are really doing is letting everyone know, not what they think of the person they are being mean to, but what they think of themselves.

It is so transparent.

I tell them they might as well be wearing a sign around their necks that says, “I feel bad about myself and I want you to feel bad about yourself, too.”

A sign around their necks. Or a window into their hearts. 

And sometimes I wonder if there are adults out there who need to know this.

I have been blogging since January 2007. That is 7 and a half years of typing out ‘most everything that comes into my noggin for all of y’all out there to read.

And 7 and a half years of getting comments and emails that are for the most part kind, encouraging, funny, engaging, and heartfelt.

But every so often I get feedback that tells me the commenter wants me to feel bad about myself as some bizarre attempt to make themselves feel better.

When my little Peyton was born a little over 4 years ago, I announced her birth in a post and shared the above picture.

And one of the comments (which I deleted) was

“You look like it’s grandmother.”

And I was all, “Ssssssseriously???”.

Mainly because I was thinking, “Dude. You look like you could use a grammar lesson because you just included an unnecessary apostrophe in that insult.”

But after I got past the Grammar Nazi first reaction, I thought, “How sad! How tragic to feel so broken and ugly that you want others to feel the same way, even in a moment of joyous celebration.”

Now, I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. I’m writing this here because I want you to know what mean comments tell others, not about the person you are insulting, but about you.

About your heart.

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45

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Comments

  1. So true, Connie. I often need a reminder to pray for people that are rude or hurtful instead of focusing on my hurt pride. It really takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there the way you do, and I am so glad you do it because I find you so encouraging. Thank you!

  2. There is a blog I’ve been reading lately called Keeper of the Homestead. Anyways, she’s an excellent homemaker and I find it interesting to read her tips. She often writes cleaning posts, the how the why, and I cannot BELIEVE how many comments she gets from women who get all OFFENDED that she suggest cleaning is important and who claim they have better things to do and on and on and on. All I can think is “then just don’t read her blog. Skip it! It’s not for you!” But apparently, people can’t just skip things they feel absolutely compelled to bring down something that is good/positive. At any rate, it reminded me of what you’ve written here. I often think it shows something about that person’s heart that maybe they feel they aren’t good enough or whatever. I think you wrote a long post about this at one point, back when you had the 4 moms working together.

  3. This is the second post I’ve read this morning concerning out-of-bounds commenters. I am seriously considering closing comments completely. It would probably ruin it for me, but at least I wouldn’t have to deal with that sort of thing. I know it’s late to say so, but you do NOT look like a grandmother in that picture. You look like a pretty 30-something woman who just had a baby. :) (Of course, if you’d played your cards very differently in life, that *would* be grandmother age. But that’s another topic, and probably one that would draw even more trolls with nasty comments.)

  4. Connie,

    I don’t ususally comment on blogs, but this post really speaks to me. So often, people are hurtful and rude. I never thought to think that it is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves! Thank you for that insight, for it truly does make sense!

  5. Wow….you don’t look like a grandmother! What does a grandmother look like anyway? Your blog has been a great resource for me. I found “Gentle Christian Mothers” when my first two were babies. The biggest lesson I learned there was to take what applied for me and leave what didn’t. More people should do that instead of imposing their views across the board on everyone else’s situation!

  6. I think the thing that confuses me so much about nasty commenters, is why do they read blogs they are so against?
    I’ve noticed that Candace Cameron gets so many negative comments and the other day, Heather Sanders (homeschool blogger for the Pioneer Woman) had nasty comments about a very personal struggle, and it just floors me that people will kick you when you’re down!

    You’re exactly right! These are hate-filled people that must have horrible lives and relationships, that they are just trolling the web, looking for “whom they will devour.”

    Well, here’s my own mean thought……..next batch of ugly comments you get…compile them and save them and then publish them. It’s amazing what people will say behind a keyboard.

    Never fear! You’ve got all of us crazy moms who wait for the next funny thing you’re going to say or humorous mishap you will share. It means you’re real and we can relate :)

  7. You are right on with this post, Connie! Your books look really interesting–I imagine we could all benefit from accepting your 30-day challenge!

  8. What a great post! Thanks for giving me something deep to consider today and to share with my children. Blessings.

  9. Thank you for sharing all your experience. It awesome that you open yourself up for the benefit of others. It is not always an easy thing to do. We had my youngest son later in life and I sometimes get the same reaction however, what a blessing he is! God bless you and your family!

  10. Great post.

  11. Well said Connie. Trolls are awful at grammar! I always laugh at their uneducated comments.

  12. I’ve always taught my kids the same thing. People step on others in an effort to feel they’re above them. It’s a false sense of being ‘better’ than another, but at the day’s end, nothing is different for them.

    You do NOT look like a grandmother! Come on. I *am* a grandma. I should know. :D

  13. Natalie says:

    Thank you, Connie, for your blog. I really needed this today, as I was called some demeaning names by a neighbor who was enjoying our pool. She was telling how “””” I was. This is after I have been taking care of her daughter for free for a year, sharing our family time with her, helped her through pregnancy and many other issues including marital and child rearing ones. It was hurtful, and your blog comes the day after. I also thank you for the fantastic detanglet recipe–it works amazingly! Also, thanks about sharing your painful experiences with the Ramen and lice. I think those definitely help a few of us to be more aware and protect our children. I’m like you, and people say I share too much–they sometimes say they don’t want my advice…but all I’m trying to do is save someone else the pain. Yours is on a blog–not face to face, so they can always decide not to read if they feel “offended.”

  14. That picture of you and your baby is so sweet I can’t believe someone said something so awful. I am so proud of you, though, that you realize from where that hurtful comment came. Thank you so much for the reminder that our words do reflect the good or the evil in our hearts. I try to remind my children when they are hurt by the words of others that the person slinging the comments are really hurting themselves and we should pray for them. Thank you for this reminder!

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