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When No One Likes Your Child

It’s a tough pill to swallow when no one likes your child, but it’s easy to identify.

When no one likes your child

You see other children happily playing in groups, but when your child tries to join, the mood changes. Maybe the group stops mid-game and moves away as your child approaches. Maybe they openly tell your child he can’t play with them. When no one likes your child it can be devastating to him and to us.

Our first response to this is usually to intervene in the group and tell the children it isn’t nice to exclude anyone, and that they must let everyone play. In this age of frequent anti-bullying messages, it’s easy to think the solution is to force the group to change.

But, does this solve the root problem of a raising a child that no one likes? Does this response help the child identify social cues that others find his behavior off-putting? Does it allow him to grow into an adult who can navigate complex social situations and modify his behavior to be acceptable?

Before I go any further and give you my two cents on this issue, let me assure you I am not talking about your child. I am not talking about any particular child that I know specifically. I am telling you some things I have found beneficial in my own growing up years, in teaching in public schools, and in raising my own eight children for 20+ years.

Let me tell you a story of 6th Grade Me to give a grasp of what I am talking about.

When I was in 6th grade, I was a very bright child who was happy and outgoing. I found myself in a brand new middle school that year, which was slightly unnerving, but I was confident in my abilities to excel in school, so I didn’t worry too much.

Sometime during that fall, I remember realizing that the other students in my Language Arts class despised me. I couldn’t understand why. I was smart. I was cute. I was friendly. What could the problem be?

I don’t know how the conversation came about, but I specifically remember Dee Dee Williams telling me point blank, “No one likes you because you always know all the answers. Why can’t you just let someone else answer sometimes?”

This was the very first time it had dawned on me that my behavior had been obnoxious. I mean, the teacher would ask questions, and I would raise my hand to answer them while everyone else sat idly by. She would call on me, and I would always be right. Every single day. I had never realized that what I was doing was discouraging the other students from even trying to answer, all the while alienating every one of my classmates with my “know it all” posture.

This revelation was painful to me at the time, but it also served as educational. I knew first hand from that time forward that no one likes a know it all. This didn’t mean that I pretended to be dumb or refused to answer questions. It just meant that I modified my behavior to allow others to feel they had a chance to answer also. I left room for others to feel smart and important instead of selfishly taking all of that attention for myself.

This brings me to the point of my post. When no one likes your child or no one lets him play in the group games, instead of rescuing him and demanding that everyone can play, what if you allow him to realize and benefit from cause and effect?

I don’t mean for this to be a cruel exercise in allowing our children to be bullied, and I don’t mean for this to apply to children who have mental challenges that make social situations difficult. I am simply suggesting that we allow our children to understand, as much as they are able, that their behavior has consequences. What if they have genuinely never considered how their actions can be annoying to others? How about asking the following questions to help your child explore what could possibly be going on?

  • “If no one wants to play Freeze Tag with you, is it because you cry whenever you get tagged? No one likes to play with a cry baby.”
  • “If no one wants you on their team, is it because you complain about the way the game goes every time you play? No one likes someone who is always complaining.”
  • “If no one wants to talk to you, is it because you only ever talk about Minecraft? No one likes to talk to someone who hogs all the talking time or only talks about themselves.”

Those are just a few examples of how the conversation might go. I have had conversations like this with my children, and although not easy to hear, I believe each time they were able to understand how their behavior was contributing to the problem.

Let’s face it, we all probably know an adult or two who would have benefitted from this kind of frank honesty years ago, before they became set in their habits of obnoxious, self centered behavior. If you don’t want your children to become set in those habits, now is the time for these difficult conversations. 

It is much easier to help when no one likes your child than it is to try to deal with an adult that is annoying and has practiced that for years.

If you enjoyed this post, see also “10 Signs your Child Might Be Spoiled and What To Do About It.”

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Tip to Promote Good Attitude During Reading Lessons

*This post contains affiliate links. 

Reading lesson smarty tip

I have used *Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons to teach all of my children to read, and I am currently using it on my 8th child.  Same old, trusty book, minus the cover, plus a few scribbled on pages.

I love this book for so many reasons.

  • The lessons are short, usually around 15 minutes long.
  • The book is all you need. There are no worksheets or flashcards involved.
  • The parent part is scripted. Simply read aloud the words in red. No wondering exactly how to present the lesson.
  • The child REALLY CAN read on about second grade level at the end of 100 days.

However, my children don’t always love doing these lessons each day. (They also don’t love doing their chores and going to bed on time.) Because the lessons require the child to sit still, concentrate, and remember and repeat what they hear, there is occasional whining, crying, stalling, and/or complaining. They are children, after all, and they don’t always like to do what they should do.

So, sometime during the teaching of 8 total children to read using this book, I figured out the following tip to promote good attitude during reading lessons.

  1. Line up Smarties in fold of book.
  2. Every time student whines, stalls, complains, refuses to cooperate, etc, Mom mercilessly, and without comment, eats a Smarty.
  3. Student gets all Smarties left at end of lesson.

I am telling you THIS WORKS LIKE MAGIC FAIRY DUST if done consistently.

You’re welcome.

*affiliate link

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Winter Summit 2016 ~ Homeschool Moms’ Retreat

winter summit girls weekend graphic

I just spent another weekend with a few hundred of my friends at the Homeschool Moms’ Winter Summit 2016. This is a fantastic, Jesus-centered retreat specifically designed to encourage homeschool moms.

There is really very little talk about homeschooling and absolutely no talk about curriculum, but do you know what there is a HUGE focus on?

GRACE. Rejoicing in the beautiful grace God has given us, extending grace to ourselves when we fail, and offering that same grace to others when they disappoint us.

This retreat will benefit ALL moms who are just looking for someone to encourage them to keep giving it their best shot, and to keep relying on God to give them the strength to do it. Anyone who would like other moms to lock arms with her and say, “We’re in this parenting thing together sister,” would love The Summit.

winter summit dance party

Saturday night dance party

But one of the things that makes it so extra special to me is that this is where my people gather. I know without a doubt that this hotel ballroom will be filled with women just like me who know exactly what it feels like to be a stay at home mom in a one income family who spends all day every day directly responsible for her children’s education.

They know what it is to wonder if they will have to explain again at the family reunion that homeschooling is legal in all 50 states. Or the nervous, deer in the headlights look your child gets when he stalls and stammers upon being asked asked what grade he is in. They know what it is to wonder if you are ruining your child’s chances of getting into college, his future, his life because of your weaknesses and inadequacies.

winter summit blogger skit

Mrs. Homeschool Universe finalists

The whole weekend is chock full of heartfelt praise and worship, hilarious skits, transparent honesty, encouraging sessions, and plenty of advice from moms who have already traveled the road I am still on.

winter summit q&a panel

This picture represents 97 combined years of homeschool wisdom and 23 homeschooled kids whom they have graduated.

GRADUATED! They have completed their homeschool journeys! Can you believe they are all still standing tall and they come to The Summit every year to cheer the rest of us on? THIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PART! These ladies take anonymous questions that have been submitted throughout the weekend and they answer even the most difficult ones with honesty and transparency. I am telling you right now that it is SOLID GOLD to have these ladies speak life and encouragement into us bone weary moms who are just trying to get through one more school year without running away from home.

In between the general sessions, delicious food, and skits, there were 12 breakout sessions to choose from during the weekend, so it was easy to tailor the topics to suit different needs.

winter summit bio

I was asked to speak in 2 of those sessions, and I brought along my 15 year old daughter to be a “Summit Server.”

winter summit mother daughter

Cami and me

She had a ball with some of the other daughters running errands, helping ladies find where the restrooms were, and holding babies.

Winter Summit photo booth

Me and Kelly

winter summit bloggers

Kris, Lisa, Heather, and me

Another one of my favorite parts is just getting to hang and laugh with some very dear friends that I have grown to love. When you spend the entire weekend with someone, you never know what you might find out. You could hear that she has met and danced with Jon Bon Jovi, and you might squeal and be very jealous because there was a time that you and Jon shared a very rich history (in your head) and yet he never invited you on stage to dance with him. (No comment on which of the above ladies was the lucky one.)

Wouldn’t you love to grab a few girlfriends and make it a weekend to remember? We would love for you to join us at The Summit next year! Read what these ladies had to say about the weekend below.

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Bantu Knots For Curls

*This post contains affiliate links.
Bantu Knots for Curls

I used these little bantu knots for curls recently when my 8 year old requested a curly hair do.

Here’s how to use bantu knots for curls:

  1. Part slightly damp hair into 1-2 inch square sections.
  2. One section at a time, twist the entire strand in one direction over and over until it starts to coil onto itself.
  3. Use *these ouchless pony tailers to secure the knots.
  4. Put *this terry turban on over all the knots overnight.
  5. In the morning, unwrap each knot and gently shake out curls.

*affiliate links

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Get HALF OFF Homeschool Winter Summit Registration

Can we be real for a minute?

Homeschooling is hard. Really hard.

Like there are some days when I don’t know what I was thinking when I committed to doing it. Like there are some days when I don’t think I can make it to graduating all these kids. Maybe not even to May. And sometimes I find myself just trying to hang on until Christmas break.

That’s why the founder of The Homeschool Moms’ Winter Summit, a homeschool mom herself who has graduated 4, planned the event to take place every year during the dark months smack in the middle of winter.

Summit Facebook party

And now The Homeschool Moms’ Winter Summit is quickly approaching, and I couldn’t be more excited! This is my all time favorite event every year, and here’s why:

  • I get to hang out with homeschool moms who have graduated all their students and are still standing tall.
  • I get to pick the brains of homeschool moms who are a little farther down this road than I am.
  • I get to laugh until I cry with other moms who are going through the same exact season of life I am.
  • I get to hear homeschool moms being real about their struggles, their fears, and their failures.
  • I get to encourage homeschool moms who aren’t quite as far along as I am.
  • I get to pray and sing praises to the Lord with all these beautiful ladies.

Truly, this one weekend is such a breath of fresh air, such an energizing boost, such an encouraging experience on a deep, deep heart level, that I look forward to it all year, knowing that it will give me the vision I need to make it through May.

And now The Homeschool Moms’ Winter Summit is having a virtual Facebook party, from 9-10:00pm CST tonight, December 1st, to introduce us to all the speakers (I’m one of them!) and offer one participant HALF OFF your registration! It’s so easy to attend. Just click “going” at the top of the event page, tuck the kiddies into bed, put on your comfiest pajamas, open up your laptop, and jump into the discussion to be entered to win. (For an extra entry, invite your friends.)

See? Easy, peasy, mac and cheesy! Whether already registered, or planning to soon, one participant will get to attend The Summit for HALF PRICE! It might as well be you, right???

And if you don’t win half off, I still have a deal for you. At check, use the discount code “Smockity10” to get $10 off!

I’ll see you at The Summit!

(*I don’t get paid at all for promoting this non-profit ministry. The other team members and I even use our own money to buy door prizes and make casseroles to help feed the speakers. I am just so in love with this ministry that I can’t help sharing it with you!)

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Black Friday Essential Oils Promo

YL Promo Nov. 2015

 

Through November 2015, I am sending every single person who signs up through me for a Young Living Premium Starter Kit a $25 AMAZON GIFT CARD!

This kit comes with 11 of the most popular oils, INCLUDING THIEVES, which you will definitely want to have on hand during these winter months. It also comes with an ultrasonic diffuser for putting the oils into the air. We love using these (we have more than one!) at our bedsides.

I also keep in close contact with all my members, so if you have any questions or concerns about your oils you are able to text me, email me, message me, or call me.

This is the perfect Christmas gift for you or someone you love! Our family uses our oils every single day, and they have been so successful in keeping us healthy that our doctor’s office kicked us out of their database after we hadn’t made an appointment in over 8 months!

If you have been thinking about jumping onto the essential oil train, NOW is the perfect time!

Follow these directions to sign up today! 

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