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What's the big deal about Young Living

Helpful Links – Homeschooling and Parenting

I frequently get emails or private messages on Facebook asking my advice on different topics I have already written on, like homeschooling and parenting.

Since I don’t have time to answer each inquiry individually, I though I would give you all a roundup of helpful links with my post popular posts on those topics.

Homeschooling

Parenting

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Parenting Mistakes I’ve Made {The Series}

Parenting Mistakes

If you’ve been reading here recently, you know I have started a series admitting some of the parenting mistakes I regret. My hope is to encourage you in your parenting journey and give you hope that you can recover from your mistakes.

One of the mistakes I made, in which I had only the best intentions, was isolating my children until I could see that one of them was actually depressed about having no friends.

Now, I don’t mean that she was sad one day about all the girls at church not including her in a slumber party.

I mean that for a period of 4-5 years there were very few kids at church besides our kids, and I did not go out of my way to invite those kids to interact with my own kids.

You see, I had read and believed that brothers and sisters could and should be best friends. And I still do honestly believe that they really can and should be the best of friends.

The problem was that I interpreted this to mean that they did not need any other friends.

And my sensitive daughter began to feel like her brother and sisters liked her and spent time with her because they didn’t have any other choice. They had to be her friend. They lived with her. They didn’t choose to be her friend. And she didn’t have anyone in her life who liked her because they simply wanted to spend time with her.

One day she came to me in tears because she had no friends. None. Zero. And when I comforted her, I couldn’t argue with that fact. When I tried to think of who she could count as a friend, I couldn’t come up with a single one.

When she confided to me that she was having severe anxiety issues, trouble sleeping, frequent stomach aches, grinding her teeth at night, etc. all because she wondered if she was worthy to have people like her, I was heartbroken!

What had I done???

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed her anxiety issues before she brought it to my attention, and I was so sad that she felt that there was no one in the world who wanted to spend time with her by their own choice. And all this happened because I hadn’t seen the value of including outside people in her life.

I immediately set about figuring out how I could correct the mistake I had made. I invited friends over, signed her up for sports, and encouraged her to participate in youth group activities. I also asked her to forgive me for making such a hurtful mistake.

It wasn’t as easy as that though, since her self esteem was very low about how valuable she was as a friend. It took a couple of years for her to gain the confidence to feel like she was valued as a person to those outside her family.

The lesson I learned from this was huge for me. My children needed to know and experience that they are liked by those who are not required to be nice to them. They needed to know they are liked simply because they are fun to be around. And for us this needed to come from outside the family.

Now, I’m not saying every family should automatically take the steps I did and start signing your children up for more activities. (That could cause as much stress as no activities.) I’m saying pay attention to each child’s needs. Notice signs of stress and depression. Ask questions.

What is right for our family may not be right for your family. What is right for one child may not be right for every child.

But if you find that a child is suffering needlessly because of a parenting mistake on your part, ask them to forgive your and change your course.

My hope in sharing this story is to warn anyone else from making this same mistake. Your parenting journey will not be mistake-free, but we can learn from our mistakes and correct them to be better parents than we were before.

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Train Up a Child eBook Bundle

How to Manage Your Mouth for Kids {eBook}

My ebook “How to Manage Your Mouth – FOR KIDS, A 30 Day Wholesome Talk Challenge” is included in the Bundle of the Week, THIS WEEK ONLY.

You can get my ebook (regular price $4.99), plus 4 others, on the topic of training up a child for only $7.40 THIS WEEK ONLY!

Sign up for Bundle of the Week here to get the “train up a child” bundle.

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Learning From Parenting Mistakes – When You Suspect Lying

This post is part of a series on parenting mistakes I have made. I am sharing those here in hopes that some of you may be encouraged that you are not alone in making mistakes and also to hopefully keep you from making these same mistakes.

Parenting Mistakes

One of the mistakes I regret the most happened when I strongly suspecting one of my children was lying. The thing is, I had no way of proving it, just a very strong suspicion. Here’s what happened:

Just after my son had been playing alone in the backyard, I noticed that the concrete bird bath had been toppled over and broken into pieces. I immediately suspected that he had something to do with it, so I called him into my room and questioned him about it.

He immediately and confidently, too confidently, I thought, said that he didn’t do it.

I felt certain that he had done it and was lying to keep out of trouble. After all he had just been out there, and everyone else was playing elsewhere. Who else could have done it? It had to be him. Circumstantial evidence was supporting my suspicions.

I went over all the above details and told him I knew he was lying and he had better confess. He stuck to his story and I stuck to my guns.

After a very lengthy session of “You are lying” and “No, I’m not,” he finally confessed, although very grudgingly.

Years later, through many bitter tears he told me I had actually coerced him into lying. He had not really done it, but in order to stop my torturous accusations, he lied and told me he had. (We together concluded our large dog must have done it.)

Can you imagine my horror and shame? My own son could not trust me to protect him. From ME.

It took time and many tearful apologies from me to heal the wounds and mistrust that I caused him through my accusations.

Because of that incident and the damage done, my policy now is that unless I can prove a misdeed with conclusive evidence beyond a shadow of a doubt, I do not accuse.

I will ask for a confession, and I pray aloud for the guilty party to be racked with so much guilt that they will confess and repent.

Recently, we had an issue of unauthorized cutting of the baby’s hair. I knew she couldn’t have done it herself, because a big gap was neatly cut in the back. No one would admit doing it, but the baby repeatedly placed the blame on a certain sister. I was pretty sure the baby was right, but since I never got a confession, I did not accuse.

But every night during bedtime prayers, I asked God to lead the guilty party to confess and repent. She never did, and I have had to let it go. It is so important to me to never repeat the situation I put my son through, that I am willing to let a crime go unpunished, rather than falsely accuse a child ever again.

I hope to never repeat the awful mistake I made years ago, and I pray I won’t make other mistakes that have lasting effects like that one.

The thing is, now I have enough years of parenting experience that I know mistakes are inevitable. It’s the humility we have about those mistakes that can be a teachable moment for our children.

Of course, we don’t want to make mistakes, but when they happen, we can learn, along with our children, about the power of forgiveness and God’s amazing grace.

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Parenting Mistakes I’ve Made

Parenting Mistakes

Regrets.

I’ve had a few in my parenting journey.

So, what if we talk about those? What if we bring them to light so that you might avoid the mistakes I’ve made? I believe I have made enough to make this a series, so grab some popcorn, sit back, and don’t do what I did.

Thinking I Could be the Perfect Parent

I know this one seems like a no-brainer, and intellectually, I knew I couldn’t be absolutely perfect, but part of me thought if I tried hard enough and followed all the right experts, then I could pull off making no major mistakes.

I mean, sure, I figured I would occasionally make the standards. ”Oops! Sorry Sally. I called you Suzie again didn’t I?”

No, by major mistakes, I mean the type that your grown or nearly grown children still cry bitter tears over years later. The kind where you would do anything if you could turn back time and get a do-over.

If you are a new parent, still thinking you might be able to pull off perfect, like I did in those years, I am truly sorry if this news is coming as a shock to you.

You will make mistakes.

You will not be perfect.

You will be so far from perfect, you will wonder what God was thinking when he let you reproduce.

The beauty in this, for me, the only redeeming factor in screwing up so royally, is that God’s merciful grace became crystal clear. I had known before, because I had been told and I had read it, that Jesus came to save me because I couldn’t save myself. I could recite, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

But until I knew, really knew because I lived and breathed it, that no matter how hard I tried to be perfect, I was still messing everything up, and not just messing it up for me, but for little people who trusted me to do the right things for them, until that time, I didn’t really know grace.

And once I began to realize how pathetic my feeble attempts at perfect parenting were, only then could I understand what a precious gift the redeeming work of Christ is.

So, I’ll say my first mistake in my parenting journey was thinking that by being an intentional parent I wouldn’t make any big mistakes. In the coming weeks, I’ll add to this series and we’ll see if this can be a kind of Land Mine Map. A warning of sorts. A “Do It Any Way But This Way” manual.

What do you think? Is this something that would be of interest to you?

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25 Ways to Teach Your Child to Have an Attitude of Entitlement

Would you like your child to feel that he is more revered than everyone else in the universe? Would you like him to demand preferential treatment? To believe he is a speshul snowflake, deserving of speshul status?

Easy! Follow these simple tips!

1. Give him his own present whenever anyone else gets one.

Brother’s birthday? He gets a present too. Best friend’s baby shower? He gets a present too. No one is ever more special than Li’l Junior!

2. Fix him a special meal when he doesn’t like what you prepared for the family.

You prepared spaghetti for dinner, but it makes him whine? Make him his own plate of food. Be sure to ask what he would like instead.

3. Encourage false talent.

Your kid can’t carry a tune in a bucket? Disregard that and demand that he is the lead in the Christmas musical.

4. Buy him a small gift or token whenever you go to the store.

He must feel that he is always deserving of gifts.

5. Allow him to attend the birthday party that the older sibling was invited to.

Be sure to ask for a party favor for him too.

6. When throwing a tantrum, the best way to stop it is giving him the candy he wanted but you originally denied.

Curtail this behavior by not denying his requests. Ever.

7. Blame everyone and everything else for a fault or failure.

Didn’t finish homework? The teacher gave too much and brother was too loud so she couldn’t focus. Lost a friend? Wasn’t worth having if they couldn’t see past the rude/arrogant/unfair behavior to the wonderful person she REALLY is.

8. Always do for him what he can do for himself.

If he asks for a drink while you are cooking dinner, stop what you are doing to get it for him, even though he is perfectly capable of getting it himself.

9. Never make her clean up her own messes.

She tires easily, you know.

10. Don’t follow through on consequences, and often make idle threats.

11. Force other children to give over their toys to him.

Whether they were playing with it at the time is irrelevant.

12. Acknowledge him when he interrupts a conversation to show him that what he says is more important than what you were listening to.

13. Always take his side when any other adult calls him out for a disciplinary issue.

Alternately, hand him excuse after excuse as to why he “can’t help” his behavior.

14. Don’t allow him to face disappointment.

He missed the deadline for turning in the extra credit that qualifies him for a special prize? Put the finishing touches on it, and drive it up to the school yourself.

15. Make sure everyone on his team gets a trophy the same size as the team who won first place.

16. Don’t ever make him wait to be served.

You don’t want him to become hungry. That makes him cranky.

17. Don’t make him serve others.

This will only make him feel that others could possibly be more deserving than he is.

18. Always say “please” in a begging tone when requesting anything of him.

If he refuses, let it go immediately.

19. Whenever a classmate or friend gets a new toy, run right out and get your child one too.

Make sure it is the newest model.

20. Never, ever criticize his efforts or let him know you expect him to try harder at something.

Pretending not to notice half-hearted attempts is best.

21. Overpraise everything she does, whether it is excellent or not.

You can barely read the essay she wrote for English class? Tell her how creative she is at spelling!

22. Always stop what you are doing whenever she addresses you.

Never make her wait until you are through with a task.

23. Always excuse bad behavior.

“He was probably hungry. The low blood sugar makes him cranky,” is a good standby.

24. Never make him answer for his own poor choices.

Step in to explain for him.

25. Go into debt buying a new car when he turns 16.

Make sure it is the model with the usb port for charging his iPhone.

By following these simple steps consistently you will soon have a child who believes his needs and wishes are superior to the needs and wishes of those around him!

Now, go give your little narcissist a hug. And a prize. Preferably a toy.

If you liked this post, you may also like “10 Signs Your Child is Spoiled and What to do About it.”

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What's the big deal about Young Living